Letters From God

I have this thing for devotional books. Collecting them became part of my life. For my birthday i received a new devotional book called Jesus Calling. As i started reading it every night before bed i was amazed at how powerful it was. Reading this book is like you're reading a note Jesus himself wrote to you. So many times i allow my mind to worry about things that end up getting me stressed out and when i read these "letters from God" so to say, i feel at peace. It's amazing how God knows just what you need and when you need it. No matter what your going through in Life, God never gives you more than you can handle. What a wonderful God we serve!

Worried all the time

Lately i worry to much to the point where it makes me sick. No one seems to understand what I'm going through. Even though my mom died about two years ago i still have a lot to go through in life and she is not there to give me advice or hug me when I'm feeling sad. My birthday is coming up and its a big deal to me, and she can't even spend it with me. I was always the tough one, i never would cry about anything. That all changed when my great grandpa died and i saw my grandma crying and i felt sad but then when i saw my mother crying it broke my heart. i took care of her, the reason she was still here was because of me... since i was 9 I've had to take care of her and when she got sick for the last time i felt like i was drowning her. there was nothing i could do for her and i wanted to do so much. i remember saying i wanted to take her place, i would do anything to have here here with me for my birthday but the thing is i can't do a thing to get her back. All i can do is try and live my life. Live a life that i wasn't so sure i wanted to live without my mom. So now i worry, worry about everything. And no matter what people say it doesn't seem to help. Sooner or later i will stop worrying about things and how i can go on without my role model, my hero, my mom.

Today is a rainy day and that got me thinking. At times you feel like you have a million little drops of stress beating down on you, like a daisy in a thunderstorm. Anyways on rainy days i get in that mood where i just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing. That wasn't the case today, sadly... i had a rather busy day. Most the time i feel like I'm just going through the motions of life, not really living. So on these rainy days i enjoy the peaceful sound of the rain as it hits the window.

Trapped

At times life can become a bit much for you to handle. At this moment i feel like i'm stuck on an island where there is a ton of people and they are all trying to talk to me in a launguage i can't understand. I don't know where i'm at or how i got there just that i want to get off and go home. Home.... i'm not sure i know where home is or what it even looks like. Ever since my mom died my view of things have changed. Lack of sleep is no fun and i feel like i haven't been able to sleep since my mom passed. My dad always says to me "Come on, you got to get over it sometime, whats your problem." My answer to that is everyone deals with things differently. Its not like a cold being there one week and gone the next. You don't truely understand unless you have gone through it youself. So for now i'm stuck on that island waiting for somthing different.

Advice

It is always good to take the right advice from the right people. Sometimes your family and friends think they know whats best for you and the truth is they really don't know a thing about you. Other times when their all trying to give you the same advice, i think its safe to say you should listen. For some odd reason when a girl falls in love she somewhere along the way looses her common sense. Now I'm not saying this happens to everyone just a certain someone who is really close to me. I am the type of person when i see someone close to me about to mess up i say something. i found its better to say something then to not say anything because later on they end up coming to me with the problem. So i guess i try and fix it before it even happens, just prevent the problem all together. They don't anyways listen and then when something goes wrong they say "well i guess i should have listened to you." I was never the one to say "i told you so" but i clearly told you so haha. Someone once said to me "You can have all the love in the world for someone and know that it wasn't meant to be." marriage is a big step and i don't want anyone to rush into it, date as long as you can. The day you stop needing a man is the day your ready for a relationship. So many times i have heard my friends say "i need a boyfriend" i just laugh because you don't ever need a boyfriend. you can't need true love it just happens on its own. When you stop looking for that special someone is when that special someone walks into your life.

Glorify God

Today i was reading my Bible and i open to this text, "So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it All for the glory of God."~1Cor.10:31. This got me thinking about what i have been spending my time on. What i spend the most time one should be God, but that's not always the case. I do think i have come a long way in my spiritual walk with God over the years. Still sometimes i get that feeling like somethings missing. I'm sure everyone gets that feeling sooner or later in life. Maybe i should make some changes. So that one day i can say everything i do, i do it all for the glory of God. Sounds like a plan, a plan to get my life on track to glorify God with my actions.

The Armor of God

Tonight has been one of those nights were i get all worked up for nothing. The feeling of being "Home Sick" even when you're at home comes to mind. I decided to make a call to my wonderful aunt, she always knows what to say to bring me peace when i am worried. She told me about how in Ephesians it talks about putting on the full Armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. As she was talking to me about the shield of faith i decided to get my Bible and see for myself. While I'm reading i realize that the reason i was getting all worked up was because i was allowing these evil thoughts to enter my mind and take ahold of me. "In addition to all this, take up the Shield of Faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." verse 16. When i always thought of the armor of God i thought of the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. That's what brought comfort to me, the fact that no matter what your going though in life, no matter how hard it may seem. You always have God on your side with the Bible as your Sword to lead you into righteousness.