Worried all the time

Lately i worry to much to the point where it makes me sick. No one seems to understand what I'm going through. Even though my mom died about two years ago i still have a lot to go through in life and she is not there to give me advice or hug me when I'm feeling sad. My birthday is coming up and its a big deal to me, and she can't even spend it with me. I was always the tough one, i never would cry about anything. That all changed when my great grandpa died and i saw my grandma crying and i felt sad but then when i saw my mother crying it broke my heart. i took care of her, the reason she was still here was because of me... since i was 9 I've had to take care of her and when she got sick for the last time i felt like i was drowning her. there was nothing i could do for her and i wanted to do so much. i remember saying i wanted to take her place, i would do anything to have here here with me for my birthday but the thing is i can't do a thing to get her back. All i can do is try and live my life. Live a life that i wasn't so sure i wanted to live without my mom. So now i worry, worry about everything. And no matter what people say it doesn't seem to help. Sooner or later i will stop worrying about things and how i can go on without my role model, my hero, my mom.